Setting Boundaries: 5 Easy Steps
It's the highest form of selfcare and yet, many people struggle with whether they deserve to have or set boundaries.
When you exercise your right to boundaries, you show yourself - and others - that you honour what’s most important to you. Boundaries allow you to show up as the happiest, healthiest and best versions of yourself in the most authentic way. Setting boundaries with people is also a way to communicate what you will and will not stand for... If someone communicates their boundaries, that is them trying to keep you in their life, not push you away.
For a lot of women, setting boundaries wasn't a skill you learned as a child. It is something you have to teach yourself as an adult... I know I certainly wasn’t taught boundaries growing up! I didn’t know it was ok to have boundaries surrounding my body, my space & my feelings.
Growing up people in my life never talked about boundaries so I didn’t know what they were or why I needed them. And yet, boundaries are vital. My whole life would be a lot different if I had known I could exercise boundaries as a child. However, I am grateful for the lessons I have learned as an adult that have taught me why boundaries are essential.
I am here to tell you that boundary setting does not have to be a daunting task! Feel free to start right here.
Boundary Setting: 5 Easy Steps
1. Setting Boundaries: Name Your Limits
Consider what you will tolerate/accept vs what makes you feel uncomfortable, anxious or stressed-out. Write it down! It’s important to know where you stand physically, emotionally, mentally & spiritually. Let this list be your guiding light. Always. If you're not quite sure what counts as a boundary, there is a really great list from Medicine Net HERE.
2. Setting Boundaries: Tune Into Your Feelings
When you notice feelings of resentment, fear, or discomfort around other people or in specific situations, stop to observe them. Pay attention to where you feel the emotion, and what's going on around you. These emotions are clear indicators of things to set boundaries around in your life.
Taking the time to observe your emotions is a mindfulness practice. You can practice mindfulness in other areas, which will build your 'tuning in' skills when it comes to emotions. My b
log article 7 Ways To Be Mindful In 2021 is a great place to begin your journey with mindfulness.
3. Setting Boundaries: Be Direct
People are so used to most people being indirect and phony that clear direct communication can appear aggressive. So to set the record straight, It’s not rude to set boundaries. This can be hard for some personalities or cultural backgrounds -- but maintaining healthy boundaries requires an honest clear-cut dialogue of communication. This goes for partner relationships as well. Clearly laying out things such as how much time is needed with self & time spent together/apart is one example.
4. Setting Boundaries: You’ve Got Permission!
Setting boundaries is not selfish. Please read that one more time.
Fear, guilt & self-doubt sometimes rear their ugly head. Women are often made to feel that we aren’t entitled to boundaries. You’ve been conditioned. Societal norms have led you to believe it’s okay to listen to those self-talk gremlins.
If the boundaries you look to set will eliminate feeling drained or taken-advantage of, set them! We deserve boundaries. Preserve them.
5. Setting Boundaries: Make Selfcare A Priority.
Yeah, I said it. Now please let it land. Here is even more permission to put yourself first! Babe, you deserve it.
When you do this your need & motivation to set clear healthy boundaries becomes even more magnified & crystal clear to you. YOU first means elevated levels of energy, a higher-vibration, clarity, mood, a positive outlook, healthier choices & being able to show-up for others in a higher capacity with loads more patience & presence. Getting started with selfcare is simple. For 5 easy ways to prioritize yourself, read my blog article HERE.
If setting boundaries is important to you, mark it as a daily task for yourself to review them and tune into yourself! I personally have a selfcare checklist, which you can add boundaries to. Download your free copy here:
Do you set boundaries? Send me a DM on Instagram and let me know!
Hi, I'm Melissa 👋🏻
If you hang around me long enough I will convince you that you are worth anything your heart desires!
I live on a small island on the West Coast of Canada (Salt Spring Island) with my husband, two boys & random animals.
I pump my tires on empowering women to make themselves a priority, and living an intentionally clean & natural lifestyle. (AKA: I DIY the shit out of everything.)
When I was employed, I quickly learned that I hated working on other people's terms and I wanted to be raising my babies at home. Essential oils have allowed me to build a business and dream life from home with my babes in my arms.
You can find me on Instagram for daily tips for self-care, essential oil education, and lots of laughter.